probe... that's a yucky word.

Blech. I feel blech. My eyes are watery from staring at the computer... I'm not sleepy, but I'm not focused on what I'm doing. I can't think about anything except for Nova Scotia. It was super hard going out there and meeting these people that I've never met before. They all knew about me. They all knew me from the day I was born. To me, they were all just a thought. Before I put the search out to find my birth mom, she was just an idea... ya know? Like I could imagine her as being anyone I wanted to be. Actually, to be quite honest, I hoped for a while that Sandra Bullock was my birth mom. Same color hair and eyes, clearly we're related... (kidding.)

But ya know? Sigh. I went out there for a week. Longest week of my life. I got used to Stef, my sister, really fast because I've always wanted a sister. But... getting another mom?? I was not prepared for that. I was super quiet the whole week, and kept to myself, because I didn't want to be there. I mean, I did, I had fun and stuff, but I didn't want another mom. I tried to explain that to her gently, but I don't know if I succeeded. It was so nuts being out there. I've been back since Sunday afternoon... and I didn't work yesterday. But I don't know... I still don't know what to do with myself. Maybe once I fully unpack my suitcase and move back into my apartment. Then it'll all seem like it's supposed to.

I guess I just haven't quite adjusted to having another family. But I don't want another family. I'm okay with a sister... because my closest friends are like sisters to me anyways. But, a whole other family? Like, grandparents and parents and cousins and uncles and all that? I don't know about that. Maybe I just need another good sleep...