the art of war...
Also known as the art of feeding a baby. Being the extra staff yesterday I got the job of feeding the baby. I have no problems with that. I love babies. This baby was about 10 months old, so around the age that they start to have a very defined personality. So the little girl is placed infront of me in her highchair, eyes wide. No smiles. Just staring. And I got a little nervous. But the first spoonful or two was great, even though it stank. But it was going well and I was only getting the 'I don't know you' look, not the 'I’m going to start screaming because I don't know you' look. It was going good. She was just staring at me.
So I keep feeding her and do an amazing job looking all professional. Then the fingers started. A spoon would go in and then the fingers. And we were doing well without a bib and everything but with the fingers going in the mouth after the spoon there was maximum spillage that I had to dive-bomb with the spoon to get before it hit her shirt. I only missed one globule that did leave a mess, but hey... she's a baby.
So, for a while all was well. She just sat there staring at me, and I kept spooning the food in between fingers and she kept staring at me like I had 3 heads. So it was great. I was feeding her this food that smelt rather disgusting, as most randomly put together foods do in baby food… but, I fed her the stuff and when the other staff came in and made her cry because then she realized I wasn’t the normal staff with her and the other one should clearly take her out of the highchair, I switched to apple. Who doesn’t love apple? I love apple baby food, actually all fruit flavors except for banana. I lived off baby food for a day. (don’t ask why, it was a weird week.) So, we were doing good, she was then eating the fruit baby food.
But then the distractions started. First she discovered the designs on the highchair seat part. Who knew that suns and moons and trees or whatever was on there would be so amazing, but they were. and the greatest part was in between sticking her fingers in her mouth, when they'd come out and I’d try and get the spoonful of food in, she'd decide right at the exact moment to whip her head around to see if the moon was still there. Yup, good. Still there, so while she had her head turned, I’d shovel food in.
Then the ceiling got interesting as well. So not only are there fingers and the moon, now the ceiling fan has started making squeaky noises (which made me nervous because it was on and whirring around and making noises and I always am afraid that when fans start squeaking, that they're going to come off and go whipping around the room.) But the baby thought the fan was the greatest thing ever... so now the head's all tilted back and the hands are waving around making it impossible to aim directly at her mouth. I’d have to go in for the quick shovel, in between the hands, and then down quickly. Except for the one time she decided that I was interesting really fast after the ceiling fan and the food went from her mouth onto the highchair table. That one was actually funny, so it was okay.
So I got up to get a cloth from the kitchen sink. Only gone a few seconds. Yup. Guess what happened. The other staff (who we'll call Grumpy for the sake of this story) gave the baby a toy. AAAAHHH. At first I thought that was a super idea, you know? Great, something to distract her eyes and hands so she'll stay focused and still. But no. She decided that the ceiling fan and the sun on her highchair had to know she had a toy so she's whipping back and forth with the toy showing the universe, hands waving. Ah yes, at this point she discovered the toy was a rattle and made noise.
Well, all hell broke loose then. The poor petrified food on the spoon, diving through the air on a spoon, dipping under hands, around the crazy toy, through slimy fingers and into the mouth that never stayed still for more than a second. It was nuts.
But I got that baby fed. Both bowls of yuck and fruit were eaten, and hardly any got on her shirt. I felt really proud of myself. The other staff didn't seem as proud of my accomplishments, but proceeded to inform me that the baby ate great for her all the time and usually wasn't like this. Great, I feel much better now. But I remembered that I’d done a good job and the baby even laughed at me one time when I made a funny noise trying to bend down to pick up the helpful rattle that she flung. So, all in all, I thought the day would be a success.
Until they brought the other baby down from upstairs...
So I keep feeding her and do an amazing job looking all professional. Then the fingers started. A spoon would go in and then the fingers. And we were doing well without a bib and everything but with the fingers going in the mouth after the spoon there was maximum spillage that I had to dive-bomb with the spoon to get before it hit her shirt. I only missed one globule that did leave a mess, but hey... she's a baby.
So, for a while all was well. She just sat there staring at me, and I kept spooning the food in between fingers and she kept staring at me like I had 3 heads. So it was great. I was feeding her this food that smelt rather disgusting, as most randomly put together foods do in baby food… but, I fed her the stuff and when the other staff came in and made her cry because then she realized I wasn’t the normal staff with her and the other one should clearly take her out of the highchair, I switched to apple. Who doesn’t love apple? I love apple baby food, actually all fruit flavors except for banana. I lived off baby food for a day. (don’t ask why, it was a weird week.) So, we were doing good, she was then eating the fruit baby food.
But then the distractions started. First she discovered the designs on the highchair seat part. Who knew that suns and moons and trees or whatever was on there would be so amazing, but they were. and the greatest part was in between sticking her fingers in her mouth, when they'd come out and I’d try and get the spoonful of food in, she'd decide right at the exact moment to whip her head around to see if the moon was still there. Yup, good. Still there, so while she had her head turned, I’d shovel food in.
Then the ceiling got interesting as well. So not only are there fingers and the moon, now the ceiling fan has started making squeaky noises (which made me nervous because it was on and whirring around and making noises and I always am afraid that when fans start squeaking, that they're going to come off and go whipping around the room.) But the baby thought the fan was the greatest thing ever... so now the head's all tilted back and the hands are waving around making it impossible to aim directly at her mouth. I’d have to go in for the quick shovel, in between the hands, and then down quickly. Except for the one time she decided that I was interesting really fast after the ceiling fan and the food went from her mouth onto the highchair table. That one was actually funny, so it was okay.
So I got up to get a cloth from the kitchen sink. Only gone a few seconds. Yup. Guess what happened. The other staff (who we'll call Grumpy for the sake of this story) gave the baby a toy. AAAAHHH. At first I thought that was a super idea, you know? Great, something to distract her eyes and hands so she'll stay focused and still. But no. She decided that the ceiling fan and the sun on her highchair had to know she had a toy so she's whipping back and forth with the toy showing the universe, hands waving. Ah yes, at this point she discovered the toy was a rattle and made noise.
Well, all hell broke loose then. The poor petrified food on the spoon, diving through the air on a spoon, dipping under hands, around the crazy toy, through slimy fingers and into the mouth that never stayed still for more than a second. It was nuts.
But I got that baby fed. Both bowls of yuck and fruit were eaten, and hardly any got on her shirt. I felt really proud of myself. The other staff didn't seem as proud of my accomplishments, but proceeded to inform me that the baby ate great for her all the time and usually wasn't like this. Great, I feel much better now. But I remembered that I’d done a good job and the baby even laughed at me one time when I made a funny noise trying to bend down to pick up the helpful rattle that she flung. So, all in all, I thought the day would be a success.
Until they brought the other baby down from upstairs...
posted by Insert Name Here at 6:00 pm
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