9 more days after today

Well... I've been working part-time as a nanny... and the other 3 days I am a data entry clerk, typist, secretary, photocopier person, and everything else possible. But, I was first a nanny. As I mentioned in an earlier entry, I only just got the other job recently. It's a long story, one I'll go into some other time.
Anyways, I'm going to be done being a nanny at the end of June. I've been a nanny since last October, and what have I all learned? I've learned that boys see things completely differently than girls, and that it's quite possible I will never understand a little boy's mind. I nanny for 3 boys, ages 2, 4, and 6, so I get an inside look at a toddler, a pre-schooler, and a kindergartener. All very active, all very different. As they should be. But, I've learned what time Jimmy Neutron is on and that older people can like that show too... I've learned that you really can turn anything into a gun and yes, there are specific rules for playing "Spy" as well. I've learned that there is nothing more potent than a diaper of a little boy who eats mostly cheese. I've learned that potty training is not as fun as it may sound, and I've learned that little boys really suck at aiming when they're 4. I've learned that sometimes, they really just don't understand what you said and forget completely to do what they were told. I've learned that a strong-willed 6 year old who starts yelling at you and kicking and scratching and hitting because you're sending him for a time-out, is really just mad because it's the only way he's figured out to be hugged, but he's a real sweetheart once you get close to him. And I've learned that Teletubbies... yes, I'm going to say it... Teletubbies can be funny too... but you have to watch it with a 4 year old.

So... now that I'm almost done nannying... 9 more days after today... I don't know how I feel about it. I've wanted to quit for so long, because it hasn't been working out, only being part-time and all, and I've wanted to stay forever because my heart has brought these 3 boys into it, and I've wanted to yell and scream too, but I didn't, and I've wanted to cry, because I don't know how to get through to him sometimes... But all in all, I'm going to be happy it's over. They're a lot of fun, and when I'm at their house... I want to stay. When I leave, I want it to be over soon. So complex to me, because I'm torn! But, it will be over at the end of June, and then, I will no longer be a nanny. The experience I have now I wouldn't trade for the world, and when I eventually have my own boys, I'll know a thing or two, but I don't want to leave them. But this season of my life is almost over... In the end, what do I do? Make the most of these last 10 days... and live it up. Because they're only this age for a bit, and then they get old too.

sometimes...

Today is the only time I'll ever get today. I'll never have the exact same thoughts, feelings, people around me, because everyone I will run into tomorrow will have changed a little bit from today. So... here's the question? Why do I take the time to do stupid things... like sit and mope, or be grumpy, or tired, or... I don't know. Why do I like to sleep in? Sometimes sleep is necessary, but the moments where I'm feeling lazy? I've lost precious hours when I could be awake... fully awake... fully concentrated on living. Sure, living in my apartment, relaxing and watching TV or eating cereal or something, but atleast I'm up and not trapped inside my head on my pillow. Why do I focus on myself? I have me all the time... what can I do that will give someone else a better day? How many people have I missed experiencing and changing just because I wanted to be upset with someone else. I know there comes a point where you don't just let people run all over you... but if everyone lived focused on someone else... where would we be? Everyone would go home with those warm fuzzies because someone else made the extra step to make their day a little bit better.
And I'm not saying go out and buy a Hummer for everyone you meet... (I saw the commercial and it peaked my interest)... but a smile... a hello... a compliment... a hug (if you know them well enough that they won't slug you)... but, why do I focus on me? On what I can get? On what'll make the difference most for me? Because of that stupid selfish nature that everyone's born with. Come on, one of your first words had to have been "mine". We spend our whole lives defining what's ours and what people can't touch and building walls around us to keep anyone from getting in... well, maybe the one thing that's going to make that grumpy, hurting person open up, is if you open up and admit that you're human too. That you get hurt too. That you cry sometimes too. Nobody's perfect. But we're all real.
I don't know... sometimes I wonder.

new discovery: i'm a nervous drinker

And by nervous drinker, I mean pop... Ha ha to all of you who thought I meant alcohol. I've had enough alcohol to last me a life time. It seems that the people who tried everything under the sun before they turned 18, have decided that now they've had enough and that's it. I'm one of these people. I've done enough, I've got enough stories, (although I can't remember half of them), and I'm done. That's another story for another time...

Back to my nervous drinking story. So I recently got a new job. And we had our first meeting yesterday. 2 minutes before the meeting I was informed that I too was coming to the meeting. Which is completely fine, I was excited to be involved. But, I'm the kind of person that appreciates advance notice... advance being more than 30 minutes.

So, here I go. I go to the meeting. The meeting entails going to a restaurant where we all sit around a table and spread files out and all gather round and talk. I've been working there 3 days... so, I don't have much to contribute. Here's where the drinks come in. I ordered a Coke, and got it really quickly. So, feeling a bit nervous and overwhelmed because there's so much to learn and know... I start drinking. I went through 2 large drinks of Coke before our food got there. The food also went down rather fast because all I was required to do was listen... and eat. I was the first one done too... So, bless the waiter's heart, he comes with more Coke. So, 4 glasses and 2 hours later, we're done. 2 hours, I discovered, is longer than my bladder wants 4 glasses of Coke in it, and I had to work hard not to do a potty dance all the way to the elevator.

The trip to the elevator... (sigh) well, let's just say... most people after eating tend to walk slower because they're in no hurry to get back to work. And I think it seemed like everyone was toddling because I was ready to run up the flights of stairs to the bathroom, but I didn't want to look crazy. So, the slowest elevator ride, then the slowest walk back to the office, then the slowest unlocking of the door... then I disappeared to the bathroom and stayed there for an hour. Just joking, but I should have timed it, it took forever. And so, from now on, no matter how nervous or uneasy I get, keep the fluids away.

the great issue of the library

About every 3 weeks, I venture to the library thinking I will come out a smarter person, having broaden my mental horizons and journied into a new topic. So I go off into the book shelves, grabbing books as I go, on several different topics, excited to take them home and read them ALL. For example, this past adventure to the library resulted in me coming home with books about the brain, about psychology, (which in my defense are related), a book on how Star Trek and the brain are related, (as a joke... but now I've lost the book and must find it before I can no longer renew it and am forced to bring it back), books on digestion and why women "need" chocolate, and a few fiction novels. And also a book by Charles Dickens, (I know this counts as a fiction book as well), but Charles Dickens deserves a category unto himself.

So when I got home with this stack of books, I realized that the large stack overwhelmed me... not what do I do? I didn't want to take a book, because to pick up on meant I was going to read them all and I had no idea when I would find time for all of them... so nevertheless, I didn't touch the pile. I did read "Skipping Christmas", by John Grisham, which was incredibly good. THe movie "Christmas with the Kranks" with Tim Allen in it is based on that book, but alas, the movie is not out yet and I was disappointed. I did eavesdrop on a conversation between the two staff at the movie store and they said that the movie might be released around Christmas to make more money, it being a Christmas based movie and all. They also mentioned that this whole 'release the movie when it's the right season' theory is also why "The Grinch" movie did so well, with Jim Carrey.

Anyways, so I read that book... but I don't remember reading any of the other ones. I did touch the brain book, (not the Trekkie one), and actually I think I read it, but I didn't read the other ones. So, I brought them all back, minus the Star Trek one because it's beamed out of sight and I don't know where it is right now.

So here I am, sitting in the library, surrounded by knowledge, and wanting to pick a bunch of books and become a smarter person. But, I've decided I must pick one topic, and possibly only one or two books, and leave with them. I will do it, I have decided and I'll let you know how it goes.

hiding...

Today, so far, has not been the most eventful day... other than that I could've stayed in my bed for far long than I chose to. Well, I could have... then I would have been late for work and gotten into trouble... But, technically, I could have stayed in bed for a lot longer and slept. Somewhere along the line, I got this crazy, half-brained idea that I only need 6 hours of sleep or less to survive... which is all fine and dandy when I'm staying up late because I just convince myself, "Oh yeah! I can stay up much longer!" Until the next morning rolls around, and my body is screaming at me for not letting it sleep enough. So, perhaps my theory on 6 hours should be changed. Yes, I know, apparently the human body needs 8 hours to sleep every night to be fully rested. I don't know about that... but I'll think about giving it a try.